Care for the Caregiver: Recognizing and Managing Caregiver Burnout
Providing continuous care can take a toll on the physical, emotional, and mental well-being of caregivers, often leading to exhaustion and diminished well-being
In this blog post, I will talk about how I recognized the signs of burnout as a caregiver and some practical strategies that I have learned for managing burnout when caring for elderly loved ones.
My Journey | Caring for my mother has been an enlightening experience for our family. When she initially moved in with us, there was a palpable sense of excitement. Living in a different state, our opportunities to spend quality time with her was limited, so we saw this as a great opportunity to “make up for lost time.” Moreover, she brought much added convenience to our lives — preparing delicious meals, assisting with the hustle and bustle of our school and work routines, producing delicious vegetables and fragrant herbs from her garden. Her presence certainly brought a renewed sense of “home” to our family.
Initially, my caregiving responsibilities were limited to mere logistics - handling bills, scheduling and attending medical appointments, managing medication, and shopping. However, punctuated by a few unexpected health crises, my caregiving responsibilities shifted to full-time caregiving. The transition became quite challenging. Understanding and managing burnout became a crucial part of my journey, requiring considerable thought, time and effort.
Recognizing the Signs of Burnout
As a caregiver, I’ve learned how important it is to check in with myself regularly — you can learn so much about yourself when you pay attention to how you are feeling! Burnout can come in various forms, including physical and emotional. Since some of the signs of burnout may also signal a health issue, it is especially important to tune in to what you are feeling so you can determine whether to seek the help of a medical professional. Here are some signs of burnout to look out for.
Physical Exhaustion
Physical exhaustion is a signal for me to take a moment to figure out how what I’m feeling, and usually a sign that I am experiencing burnout.
This can look like: feeling tired, having low energy, persistent fatigue, frequent headaches, muscle pain, or other unexplained physical symptoms.
Emotional Drain
I cannot tell you how many times I’ve caught myself feeling sad, irritable, or overwhelmed at the smallest things. In moments like this I remind myself that my feelings may not be about whatever is happening in that moment, and that it could be residual unmanaged stress.
This can look like: feelings of sadness, irritability, difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness, growing impatience, even in response to minor stressors, feeling disorganized, overwhelmed, and even an increase in emotional outbursts, like crying.
Social Withdrawal
Feelings of stress or being overwhelmed, can make it easy to withdraw, or feel unmotivated to join in on family time or other social activities. While it’s definitely useful to take moments to yourself, longer periods of withdrawal could be a sign of unmanaged stress.
This can look like: isolation from family and friends, cancelling plans with friends or others, spending more time alone, decreased communication with others, excessive use of technology (social media), loss of interest in hobbies, activities, etc.
Neglecting Self-Care
Similarly, when feeling overwhelmed it’s easy to fall into the habit of neglecting your personal needs.
This can look like neglecting exercise, sleep, mental health, or nutrition. What I’ve learned is: there will always be another prescription to pick up, another healthcare provider to call, or a new medical issues to Google, but self care is JUST as important while caring for others. As they say, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
It’s easy to fall into the habit of neglecting your personal needs.
Caring for yourself helps you become a better caregiver. As they say, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
Managing Burnout
Recognizing burnout is the first step to being able to manage it effectively. Here are some tips that I hope will help you manage burnout and hopefully improve your wellbeing and thrive as a caregiver.
Be Self-Aware
In other words, Reflect, Reflect and Reflect. Check in with yourself, often, then more often. It brings to mind the wise adage, "Check yourself before you wreck yourself," popularized in a 1990s Ice Cube song. While the song's context may differ, the sentiment resonates, particularly regarding burnout prevention. Regular emotional check-ins can help you identify and understand what you are feeling and why, and prevent or interrupt the escalation of stress. Admittedly, this practice requires effort, but incorporating reminders can help make it a habit. Consider setting alerts on your phone or relying on virtual assistants like Alexa, Google, or Siri. Placing sticky notes in frequented areas or scheduling dedicated self-check-in times can also reinforce this crucial habit.
Identify Sources of Stress and Proactively Address Them.
Be proactive. Address your stressors rather than waiting until you become overwhelmed. This means that you work to identify what triggers your stress and devise a plan to manage it. For instance, I discovered that receiving multiple texts from the pharmacy about my mother's medication during the day was a significant stressor for me. It disrupted my work and routine, and there was the added concern of not being able to pick up the prescriptions on time. To alleviate this, I arranged for prescription home delivery, which has been a life-saver.
Know What your Limits Are
Repeat after me: "I cannot do everything, I cannot be everywhere, and that's perfectly fine!" I'm still honing this mantra, but making good progress. Start by prioritizing tasks according to urgency and importance, delegating responsibilities whenever feasible, resisting the urge to overcommit (it's okay to say no!), and maintaining open communication about your needs.
Establish Boundaries
Setting boundaries to protect my physical and emotional well-being is a challenge (for me). But , I’m working on it and making progress. Establishing boundaries is crucial for preventing burnout because it helps maintain a healthy balance between your personal life, self care, work, and caregiving responsibilities. To set boundaries:
Reflect on your feelings, values, and priorities to understand what is important to you and where you need to set boundaries. Consider areas of your life where you feel overwhelmed, stressed, or resentful due to overcommitment or lack of respect for your needs.
Determine what behaviors, actions, or situations are acceptable or unacceptable to you. This may include setting limits on your time, personal space, emotional energy, or resources, as well as clarifying expectations in relationships and interactions.
Clearly communicate your boundaries to others. Use "I" statements to express your needs and limits, such as "I need time alone to recharge" or "I'm not comfortable discussing this topic." Be firm and respectful in your communication, and avoid apologizing or justifying your boundaries. Say no when necessary.
Recognize that boundaries may need to be adjusted or renegotiated over time based on changing circumstances, relationships, or personal needs. Stay attuned to your feelings and values, and be willing to adapt your boundaries as necessary.
Come to Terms with your New Normal
Adjusting to the caregiver role takes time and consideration, especially when caring for your parents. The role reversal can feel surreal, both for you and for them. I often find myself pondering whether my mother still sees me as her child while I tend to her needs. It's a poignant question that highlights the complexity of this transition. The shift can undoubtedly cause friction, particularly for a parent accustomed to being the caregiver extraordinaire. It's crucial to acknowledge this dynamic and find ways to reassure them of their place in the family, whether through seeking advice, keeping them informed about family matters, or involving them in decision-making.
Furthermore, transitioning to full-time caregiving for my mother evoked memories of becoming a parent for the first time. Despite preparing myself physically and emotionally, the realization that this little human was entirely my responsibility didn't truly sink in until days after bringing them home. While I had a strong support system, the day-to-day responsibility rested solely on my shoulders. Similarly, caring for my mother echoes this feeling. Despite having a strong and supportive network, I am the one primarily responsible for her care. Embracing this reality has allowed me to reframe my approach to this new chapter of life.
Establish a Caregiving Routine
Having a routine has been a game changer. Not only does it provide peace of mind for me, but it also gives my mother more independence, helps her sleeping and exercise habits, and reduces the chaos of our days. Developing a routine can be daunting, so I provided a Routine Building Worksheet to help you get started. Also check out my blog post Building a Routine to Nurture Stability and Independence for Seniors.
Practice Self-Care
Ideally, it would be great to have a scheduled time in my day to prioritize self-care activities like yoga classes or going to the park, but the reality is juggling work, parenting, and caregiving doesn’t leave a lot of room in my schedule. On my best days, I am able to recognize that even spending a few more minutes to relax in bed before starting my day is practicing self care. I have to be much more intentional about self-care, which for me means making sure I take care of my health, eat right, taking time during the day to visit my zen garden, take a walk or spending a few more minutes each morning on my skin care routine. Check out my blog Nurture the Nurturer: Tips for Family Caregivers on Balancing Self-Care with Caregiving.
PRO TIP: Create a space in your home that brings you joy, where you can spend a few minutes throughout the day. For example, I created a small zen garden and spending a few minutes a day there brings me immense joy.
Physical Activity
Physical activity can elevate your mood, enhance sleep quality, and improve cognitive function. Therefore, integrating physical activity into your routine or using it for immediate stress relief is a win-win. Some things that have been especially useful for me are breathing exercises, taking short walks throughout the day, or gardening. Figure out what type of physical activity works for you and incorporate them into your daily routine, or use them when needed to reduce your stress.
Take Breaks
Taking regular breaks during your caregiving routine can prevent and minimize burnout. Include regular breaks in your schedule to recharge (even if they are short). Also, consider enlisting the help of respite care services to provide temporary relief. This may include asking other family or friends to help with caregiving to give you time out.
PRO TIP: Scheduling activities that requires you to leave the house or have “me-time.” For example, running errands, going for a manicure. My favorite lately is visiting the pop-up farmers market once a week.
Use your Support System
As a caregiver, you will need emotional and practical support. Practical support may involve assistance with tasks such as running errands, preparing meals, providing transportation to medical appointments, or respite from caregiving. Emotional support may involve providing understanding, providing a listening ear or empathy. If you have a support system, ask them for help. If you don’t have a support system, seek out other caregivers through support groups or online communities. Sharing your experiences with friends, family, or a support group can do wonders in preventing or managing burnout.
PRO TIP: When asking for help, I’ve found that it’s most helpful when I’m able to be direct about the type of support I need.Also, it is really important to understand that your support system can only help within their capabilities. For example, some of my family members live far away, so they are able to help by sending Mama personal hygiene products, or coconut water so we are never out (my mom loves this). Another family member lives nearby so she takes my mother to most of her medical appointments (a career and life saver!). Be clear about what you need from your supports. Do you need someone to listen, do you need a break, or do you need someone to order gloves? Whatever you need it is best to articulate your specific needs so that you can get the emotional or practical support you need.
As a caregiver, you will need emotional and practical support.
Emotional support may involve providing understanding, providing a listening ear or empathy.
11. Use your Coping Kit
A coping kit provides personalized and intentional proactive means of comfort and support during challenging times. A coping kit is essentially a collection of items, activities, and strategies that help an individual manage stress, anxiety, or difficult emotions. Check out my post called My Serenity Stash : Creating your Personalized Coping Kit for information on how to build your coping kit.
12. Seek Professional Help
If possible, hire professional caregivers for additional support one or more days or a few hours a week for relief. Seek out the help of a mental health therapist to help you navigate and manage your mental and emotional well-being.
Consult with healthcare professionals for guidance on mental well-being.
Recognizing and managing burnout is crucial for the well-being of caregivers. By understanding the signs and implementing proactive strategies, caregivers can create a healthier and more sustainable caregiving experience. Taking care of oneself is a necessity to provide the best possible care for your elderly loved ones. In the journey of caregiving, it's essential to be compassionate not only to those you care for but also to yourself.
